Interdependence of man & woman in ensuring fullness of life for each other through mutual affection, mutual confidence & mutual protection, as husband & wife has been stressed by using a metaphor of profound beauty: "They are a garment unto you & you are a garment unto them" (2:187)
For those who can afford it, marriage is an obligation. The Quraan says: "Marry those among you who are single & the pious among your slaves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His Grace: Allah is of ample means & He is aware of all things." (24:32)
Contrast it with the attitude of those religions, which advocate celibacy & idealise it as the ideal of perfection, considering sexual satisfaction even in the bond of marriage as a positive evil from the spiritual point of view. Thus, in Christianity: "As an institution, Jesus regards marriage as essentially physical & intended only for the present age. Those who were to share in the blessings of the eschatological kingdom would neither marry nor be given in marriage but would be possessed of the non-physical body in the resurrection."
"It was this outlook on sex which led to the rule that no man or woman, married or unmarried, who had performed the sex act the previous night, should take part in a Church festival or in the Eucharist."
"Christianity", writes the Sociologist Ludovici, "preaches that sex is to be deplored, to be avoided, & if possible, negatived & the Puritan, who may be regarded as the extreme Christian, is notorious for his implacable loathing of sex."
Marriage is a social contract. The word Nikah, used for marriage in the Holy Quraan, originally means Aqd, according to Imam Raaghib Asfahaani (alaihir rahmah). Thus, the very word Nikah implies that marriage is a social contract & not a sacrament, although it is a sacred contract. Moreover, the Quraanic permission to terminate the relation of marriage, if it becomes absolutely impossible for the husband & the wife to continue that relation, proves that the Quraan regards marriage as a social contract only.
Woman are not to be treated as property. The Quraan says: "O ye who believe! You are forbidden to inherit (as property) the woman against their will." (4:19)
Marriage with persons of certain categories has been prohibited. The Holy Quraan has prohibited marriage with all those who may stand in the relations of consanguinity, or affinity, or fosterage. Almighty Allah states; "Forbidden to you are your mothers & your daughters & sisters & your father's sisters & mother's sisters & your brother's daughters & your sister's daughters & your mothers who have such to you & your foster sisters & the mothers of your wives & daughters (your step-daughters) who are in your care from the wives with whom you had intercourse but if you had no intercourse with them, then there is no Haraam in their daughters & the wives of your sons who are of your loins & to have two sisters together except what has already passed[6]. Undoubtedly, Allah is Forgiving, Merciful." (4: 23)
Indeed, when a marriage is conducted, the government registrar or other official or the Qaadi must satisfy himself that he has the woman's full agreement. If someone is acting for her as her guardian, the Qaadi will ask him to produce two witnesses who testify that she has authorised him to act for her in this marriage. Several Hadees tell us that a "previously married woman has more authority over herself than her guardian. A virgin must be asked concerning her marriage. Her consent may be given by keeping quiet." The distinction here between a previously married woman & a virgin is merely in the form of how consent is granted. A virgin may be too shy to state in words that she accepts to be married, while a previously married woman has learned practically that there is nothing to be shy about in marriage.
The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said, See four things before marrying a woman:
- Wealth,
- Status of the family,
- Physical looks
- & Piety.
The Holy Prophet of Islam (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) added that religiousness should be given priority at the time of matchmaking. Marriage fulfils the purpose of expanding the generation. It also saves man from illicit relations with other woman. Nikah carries high rewards.
A Hadees says: "It is written in the Torah, "If a man's daughter attains the age of twelve & he does not arrange her wedding & if the girl gets involved in immoral activities, the father will be punished for the sins of his daughter."
- The slave who pledges to pay an amount to his master to get freedom & has total conviction to fulfil the pledge.
- One who fights in the way of Allah.
- The man or woman who intends to go for marriage to avoid illicit relations with the opposite sex."
It is often thought that because a father acts for his daughter in marriage, he can marry her to whomever he likes, without seeking her consent. People, who suggest this, make a very superficial judgement. By requiring a father or a guardian to act for the woman in her marriage, Islam emphasises the woman's honour. Marriage in Islam is the way to establish a family & this is conducted through families. Therefore, the woman appears to have the consent of her family to her own marriage. She does not appear as the weaker party in a civil contract.
There is no rigid process of choosing a husband. If a man proposes to a family seeking to marry one of their daughters, then he must have based his choice on either first hand knowledge or proper investigation. Similarly, if the woman's family makes the approach, then it must be based on a good knowledge of the man & his character.
As we all know, Islam does not permit the sort of free-mixing between the sexes, which is known in Western societies. If some aspects of that social mixing is practiced among certain sections of society in Muslim countries, then that is something Islam disallows. In a certain situation, a woman is able to know the character & nature of a man & she feels, on the basis of her knowledge, that he can make her a very good husband. It is perfectly conceivable that a woman can acquire such knowledge of a man, either because he is her colleague at work, or because she has had a chance to see him acting in different situations. Such knowledge would enable her to understand his character & to find out that he can be a good family man.
When a woman has known such a man & wishes to marry him, she should speak to her family about it. Her father or guardian will take over & speak to the man either directly or through intermediaries. All this is appropriate. What is not appropriate from the Islamic point of view is that the woman should try to get the man into a love relationship with her as it happens in films or in Western societies.
If a woman selects a man as her future husband & he is considered to be good for her from the social point of view, then the father is required to facilitate her marriage.
Sayyidah Hafsah bint Umar (radi Allahu anha), Sayyiduna Umar's (radi Allahu anhu) daughter, became a widow when her husband, Khunais bin Husafah (radi Allahu anhu), who was a companion of Sayyiduna Rasoolullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam), passed away in Madina-tul-Munawwara. Sayyiduna Umar (radi Allahu anhu) reports: "I went to Usman bin Affaan (radi Allahu anhu) & offered him Hafsah (radi Allahu anha) saying, "If you wish, I will give you Hafsah (radi Allahu anha) as a wife." He said, "I will consider the matter." I waited for a few days, then Usman (radi Allahu anhu) met me & said, "I have considered the matter & I do not wish to be married now."
Sayyiduna Umar (radi Allahu anhu) goes on in his report: "I then met Abu Bakr (radi Allahu anhu) & said, "If you wish, I will give you Hafsah (radi Allahu anha) in marriage." Abu Bakr (radi Allahu anhu) kept quiet & gave no answer whatsoever. I felt more aggrieved with him than I was with Uthman (radi Allahu anhu). After a few days, Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) proposed to marry Hafsah (radi Allahu anha) & I gave her away in marriage to him. I then met Abu Bakr (radi Allahu anhu) & he said, "You might have felt something against me when you offered me Hafsah (radi Allahu anha) & I gave no reply." I answered in the affirmative. He said, "What prevented me from answering your proposal was that I had learned that Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) had expressed his wish to marry her. I am not one who reveals the Prophet's (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) secret."
The majority of Ulama concur that a woman may not give herself away in marriage, but her guardian (as a representing Wakeel) must act on her behalf by the virtue of her permission in her Nikah to a man. Nor can she give an authority to anyone else to act for her in marriage. Moreover, a woman cannot act (as a Wakeel) for another woman in a marriage contract. (That is to say: even a mother cannot.)
As for the person who should be her guardian for marriage purposes, there is no doubt that it is her father. If he is available, then no one else may act for her. If her father is not available, either because he is dead or mentally deranged, then her paternal grandfather or great grandfather may act for her. If she has no father or grandfather, her brother will act for her or any family elder as agreed by the family & woman.
It should be said that the condition of a guardian to act for a woman in her marriage does not detract from her the ability or the qualification to make the right choice. Indeed, any such guardian should have her consent before he goes ahead with the marriage arrangements. His presence is required not as a witness but as her representative. This is an aspect of the honourable position that Islam assigns to woman. Moreover, it reflects on the seriousness with which Islam views marriage. It is a family matter, which is conducted by families. Moreover, when family represents the woman, this is more conducive to ensuring that her husband respects her rights. Besides, the nature of society Islam builds is one in which the woman normally takes her natural position, looking after the future generation. That is bound to limit her social activities a little. Her judgment of people, especially of man & their characters may, as a result, needs to be supplemented by that of other man in her family.
If a woman marries herself away without the presence of her father or appointed guardian, then her marriage is invalid because there no witnesses as required by the Shari'at. The Beloved Habib (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) is quoted to have said: "A woman does not marry another woman away & a woman does not marry herself away. Only an adulteress gives herself away in marriage."
Sayyiduna Imam Ahmad (alaihir rahmah) & Abu Da'wood relate on the authority of Sayyidah Ayesha (radi Allahu anha) that the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: "Any woman who marries herself away without the consent of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, invalid, invalid!"
Thus we are to understand that the Shar'iat requires one to announce Nikah either in public or in the presence of witnesses so that the Muslim society does not fall into any doubt about the legitimate relation of two individuals.
A woman, until she gets married, is called the daughter of her parents. After the marriage, she becomes somebody;s wife. Now she has much more responsibilities & duties than ever. She has to fulfil additional duties towards her husband. She should be sincere & faithful to her husband & serve him with utmost dedication.
As a wife, side by side with enjoying equal fundamental human rights, a woman has been placed one degree below the husband in the matter of administering the affairs of the family. The Quraan says: "but man have a degree (of advantage) over them" (2:228)
Compare this with the following verdicts of the exponents of modern scientific thought on this problem.
Says Nemilov: "Man, perhaps even down to the protein molecules of his tissue cells, is biologically different from woman. From the very moment of sex formation in the embryo, the biological ducting of the sexes develops along entirely divergent paths. We must recognise the unquestionable existence of the biological inequality of the sexes. It goes deeper & is of far greater import than it would appear to those not familiar with natural science."
"The desires & conduct of the two sexes", says Mercier, "are not similar but are complementary & reciprocal. In courtship the male is active: his role is to court, to pursue, to possess, to control, to protect, to love. The role of a female is passive. Consequent on this fundamental difference are certain others. For pursuit, greater ardour is necessary than for mere reception & the courting activity of the male is, throughout the whole animal kingdom, more ardent than that of the female & this greater ardour is connected with certain other differences."
Julian Huxley observes: "I venture to prophesy not only that the inherent differences between the sexes will not tend to diminish in the course of evolution but that man will continue, as now & in the past, to emphasise them by custom & convention."
It should, however, be clearly kept in mind that, in the Quraanic teaching, the husband & the wife stand in complementary relation to each other, & never in the relation of the ruler & the ruled. The Quraan enjoins upon man: "They (woman) are your garments & you are their garments." (2:187)
In the presence of the husband, the Holy Quraan has not chosen her to function as the head of the family, because owing to his masculine constitution & appropriate mental make-up, the husband is better equipped to earn livelihood for the family, to bear the physical strains & to avert dangers to the family in general. The Holy Quraan refers to these functions of the husband when, speaking of his role for the wife. It says: "Man are the protectors & maintainers of woman, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other & because they spend of their wealth (for supporting them & other members of the family)" (4:34)
Of course, the husband has to administer the family jointly with the wife, according to the Quraanic Law: "(Believers are those) who conduct their affairs by mutual consultation (& not arbitrarily)" (42:38)
As a follower of the Quraan, it is only in extreme cases that the husband may differ irreconcilably with the wife. But, then too, he cannot transgress the bounds of justice & mercy of the Holy Quraan, which commands him to be always just, merciful & considerate.
The second position of the wife as administrator is, thus, not a source of suffering for her but a source of strength & a blessing.
Every woman must obey the legitimate commands of her husband. Appeasement of husband is a great virtue while the displeasure of the husband carries heavy prosecution. The Holy Prophet of Islam (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said: "If I were to command humans to prostrate before anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded the woman to bow down before their husbands."
The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has also said: "If a woman dies in a state that her husband is happy with her, she would enter the Paradise".
The Glorious Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has also said: "When the husband calls his wife for some work, she should immediately attend his call even if she may be sitting by the side of her hearth (for cooking)". The Hadees means that the wife should give top priority to attend to her husband.
Another Hadees says: "If a husband says to his wife to transform a yellow mountain into a black one or turn a black mountain into a white one, she should obey his orders". The Hadees means that the woman should try to perform the hardest of the hard job assigned by her husband.
The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: "Allah's Angels curse the woman throughout the night whose husband calls her to bed but she refuses & the husband goes to sleep in anger".
Relations between husband & wife have been conceived as based on mutual cooperation, love & compassion. The Holy Quraan says: "& among His Signs is this that He created your mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them & He has put love & mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (30:21)
- Marriage is essentially a spiritual bond of union, rather than a mere physical relationship,
- Marriage should be contracted with the firm resolve of maintaining the relation for life
- & Monogamy should be ideal, because that is the ideal condition in which mutual cooperation, the common man can practice harmony & love normally & smoothly.
"Polygamy", says Roberts, "was the rule among the Eastern peoples before Muhammad's time."
- This verse doe not enjoin polygamy, but only permits it.
- Unrestricted polygamy, which had been rampant among the pre-Quraanic Arabs & many other nations of the world, has been restricted to the maximum four. Fixing the maximum at four seems to be based on the natural law relating to monthly courses, whereby the husband can do justice in respect of conjugal relations even if he has the maximum of four wives.
- The permission relates to situations of emergency & not to normal conditions of life & society. This verse was revealed after the Battle of Uhud, which gave rise to a situation of emergency. Appreciable numbers of Muslim man were killed in the battle, leaving behind orphans & widows, & giving rise to many adult females. Also, there were some woman captives of war. Polygamy was prescribed for those who were Allah-fearing & whose sole mission in life was spiritual refinement & pursuit of Divine Pleasure. Notice the conditional clause about orphans, introducing the rules about marriage. This reminds us of the immediate occasion of the promulgation of this verse. It was after the Battle of Uhud, when the Muslim community was left with many orphans & widows & some captives of war. Their treatment was to be governed by principles of the greatest humanity & equality. The occasion is past, but the principles remain. Marry the orphan if you are quite sure that you will in that way protect their interests & their property, with perfect justice to them & to your own dependants, if you have any. If not, make other arrangements for the orphans.
- The permission is based, not on considerations of lust, nor on any benefit accruing to the marrying male, but on the principle of sacrifice - of providing protection & support to orphans, while undergoing a severe tension of dealing with all the wives.
- The permission is conditioned by one's ability to deal equitably with his wives, which even at the formal level is an extremely difficult condition to fulfil except for those who are thoroughly disciplined, stick to spiritual & moral values above everything else & enter into marriage for spiritual considerations - for the sake of obtaining Divine Pleasure.
- Thus, this verse, instead of inducing the man to practice polygamy, recommends to them monogamy.
- Finally, looking at the Quraanic permission for polygamy with an unbiased mind, every rational person is bound to be convinced that in situations of emergency, namely, whenever there is an abundance of females - as it happens after the wars - & whenever there is the problem of the uncared for & unsolicited widows & orphans, it becomes a moral duty of Allah-fearing people to practice polygamy, whereby alone the individuals can be saved from disaster & the community can escape the horrors of prostitution.
There is, wrote Dr. Annie Besant, the renowned English leader of the Theosophical Movement, "pretended monogamy in the West, but there is really a polygamy without responsibility; the "mistress" is cast out to be the "woman of the street", for the first lover has no responsibility for her future & she is a hundred times worse off than the sheltered wife & mother in the polygamous home. When we see thousands of miserable woman who crowd the streets of western towns during the night, we must surely feel that it does not lie in the Western mouth to reproach Islam for polygamy. It is better for woman, happier for woman, more respectable for woman, to live in polygamy, united to one man only, with the legitimate child in her arms & surrounded with respect, than to be seduced, cast out into the street" perhaps with an illegitimate child outside the pale of law "unsheltered & uncared for, to become the victim of any passer-by, night after night, rendered incapable of motherhood, despised by all."
The Holy Quraan repudiates polyandry (or, plurality of husbands) & the Hindu custom of Niyoga (or, loaning the wife to another person for getting an issue) & the custom of exchanging wives practiced by certain savage tribes.
Temporary conjugal relations are prompted purely by lust & in no case for establishing that sublime spiritual relation between man & woman, which alone can form the basis of building up the family. Therefore, the Holy Quraan disallows temporary & "compassionate" marriages. It says: "Except for these (prohibited relations), all others (i.e., other woman) are lawful, provided ye seek (them in marriage) with gifts from your property (as dower-money), desiring chastity (in permanent companionship), not lust (in any form of temporary marriage)" (4:24)
- The wife should not go out of the house without the permission of her husband. She should seek prior permission of her husband to visit her relatives & friends.
- It obligatory on her part to safeguard her husband's house & other properties in his absence. She should not allow anybody to enter the house without her husband's permission. She should not give her husband's minor or major belongings to anybody without his permission.
- She should not indulge in any activity that her husband may dislike.
- She should look after his children carefully.
- She should keep herself & her house clean. She should decorate herself with ornaments & suitable make-up to attract the attention of her husband & to win over his love & affection. A Hadees says: "Best is that woman who comforts her husband by her good looks & loving gestures & fulfils the pledge of her husband & plays the role of a guardian & a well-wisher in safeguarding her chastity & the belongings of her husband in his absence."
The domestic quarrels between husband & wife have become very common these days. Several Muslim houses are burning in this fire. The difference of opinion between wife & husband reaches a stage when both of them pray for death. It is very easy to eliminate this difference of opinion & a state of civil war within the household.
- Every wife should try to appease her husband day & night. This would satisfy his ego & he would feel that there is someone in the house that cares for him. A husband likes a wife who obeys his orders without arguments & without asking why & how. If the husband asks her to massage him throughout the night, she should bear that much pain & patiently obey his command. This little trouble would bring to her immense love from her husband.
- Every wife should understand the temperament of her husband. She should know the likes & dislikes of her husband. By living with him for years together she may excel in knowing what makes him happy & what annoys him. She should master in her husband's habits & tastes.
- It is obligatory on the part of the wife never to fight with her husband. She should not pass sarcastic comments to him nor should she criticise him bitterly. She should not give him a sharp & rigid reply nor should she pass any left-handed comment. She should also not find out defects in things brought by him nor should she describe his house & other property as useless & base. She should not pass adverse comments about the parents of her husband as this may lead to unnecessary arguments & will ultimately end in hatred towards each other. This hatred gradually aggravates to the extent of separation. The wife will leave her husband's house & go to her parent's house where her brother's wife & unmarried sisters may make her life miserable by taunting at her. This may lead to a bigger fight between the family of the woman & the family of man. The matter ultimately goes to the Court & drags for years together.
- The wife should not ask her husband to give her money beyond his capacity. Whatever her husband gives her for running the house; she should accept it smilingly & run the household within the budget. Let the husband himself ask her what she would like him to bring for her. & when the husband brings something for her, she should appreciate it & express happiness in accepting the gift.
- The wife should never pass comments on the looks & physique of her husband nor should she ever be ungrateful to him. She should not complain: "I have never been happy in your house. Oh Allah! My whole life spent out in sorrows & hardships. What I saw after coming to this ruined house. My parents have thrown me into this hell. They married me to a pauper & unlucky man like you." This sort of groaning will make the husband disappointed & disgusted. This frustration gradually will lead to constant fights & face-to-face confrontation & finally to the divorce. The Glorious Prophet of Islam (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: "I saw plenty of woman in the Hell". The Companions asked: "How come, O Allah's Apostle (sallallahu alaihi wasallam)?" He said: "For two reasons: First, the woman indulge much in taunting & criticizing others. Secondly, the husbands may be treating them well for years but once they experience something less than their expectations they would say: "We have never seen any good from you."
- The wife should show utmost restraint & respect in front of her husband. Whenever the husband returns home, she should welcome him leaving all the work aside. She should arrange for his comforts. She should not talk to him in a way that may annoy or confuse him.
- Finally, looking at the Quraanic permission for polygamy with an unbiased mind, every rational person is bound to be convinced that in situations of emergency, namely, whenever there is an abundance of females - as it happens after the wars - & whenever there is the problem of the uncared for & unsolicited widows & orphans, it becomes a moral duty of Allah-fearing people to practice polygamy, whereby alone the individuals can be saved from disaster & the community can escape the horrors of prostitution.
"There is", wrote Dr. Annie Besant, the renowned English leader of the Theosophical Movement, "pretended monogamy in the West, but there is really a polygamy without responsibility; the "mistress" is cast out to be the "woman of the street," for the first lover has no responsibility for her future & she is a hundred times worse off than the sheltered wife & mother in the polygamous home. When we see thousands of miserable woman who crowd the streets of western towns during the night, we must surely feel that it does not lie in the Western mouth to reproach Islam for polygamy. It is better for woman, happier for woman, more respectable for woman, to live in polygamy, united to one man only, with the legitimate child in her arms & surrounded with respect, than to be seduced, cast out into the street & perhaps with an illegitimate child outside the pale of law & unsheltered & uncared for, to become the victim of any passer - by, night after night, rendered incapable of motherhood, despised by all."
The Holy Quraan repudiates polyandry (or, plurality of husbands) & the Hindu custom of Niyoga (or, loaning the wife to another person for getting an issue) & the custom of exchanging wives practiced by certain savage tribes.
Temporary conjugal relations are prompted purely by lust & in no case for establishing that sublime spiritual relation between man & woman, which alone can form the basis of building up the family. Therefore, the Holy Quraan disallows temporary & "compassionate" marriages. It says: "Except for these (prohibited relations), all others (i.e., other woman) are lawful, provided ye seek (them in marriage) with gifts from your property (as dower-money), desiring chastity (in permanent companionship), not lust (in any form of temporary marriage)." (4:24)
- The wife should not go out of the house without the permission of her husband. She should seek prior permission of her husband to visit her relatives & friends.
- It obligatory on her part to safeguard her husband's house & other properties in his absence. She should not allow anybody to enter the house without her husband's permission. She should not give her husband's minor or major belongings to anybody without his permission.
- She should not indulge in any activity that her husband may dislike.
- She should look after his children carefully.
- She should keep herself & her house clean. She should decorate herself with ornaments & suitable make-up to attract the attention of her husband & to win over his love & affection. A Hadees says: "Best is that woman who comforts her husband by her good looks & loving gestures & fulfils the pledge of her husband & plays the role of a guardian & a well-wisher in safeguarding her chastity & the belongings of her husband in his absence."
The domestic quarrels between husband & wife have become very common these days. Several Muslim houses are burning in this fire. The difference of opinion between wife & husband reaches a stage when both of them pray for death. It is very easy to eliminate this difference of opinion & a state of civil war within the household.
- Every wife should try to appease her husband day & night. This would satisfy his ego & he would feel that there is someone in the house that cares for him. A husband likes a wife who obeys his orders without arguments & without asking why & how. If the husband asks her to massage him throughout the night, she should bear that much pain & patiently obey his command. This little trouble would bring to her immense love from her husband.
- Every wife should understand the temperament of her husband. She should know the likes & dislikes of her husband. By living with him for years together she may excel in knowing what makes him happy & what annoys him. She should master in her husband's habits & tastes.
- It is obligatory on the part of the wife never to fight with her husband. She should not pass sarcastic comments to him nor should she criticise him bitterly. She should not give him a sharp & rigid reply nor should she pass any left-handed comment. She should also not find out defects in things brought by him nor should she describe his house & other property as useless & base. She should not pass adverse comments about the parents of her husband as this may lead to unnecessary arguments & will ultimately end in hatred towards each other. This hatred gradually aggravates to the extent of separation. The wife will leave her husband's house & go to her parent's house where her brother's wife & unmarried sisters may make her life miserable by taunting at her. This may lead to a bigger fight between the family of the woman & the family of man. The matter ultimately goes to the Court & drags for years together.
- The wife should not ask her husband to give her money beyond his capacity. Whatever her husband gives her for running the house; she should accept it smilingly & run the household within the budget. Let the husband himself ask her what she would like him to bring for her & when the husband brings something for her, she should appreciate it & express happiness in accepting the gift.
- The wife should never pass comments on the looks & physique of her husband nor should she ever be ungrateful to him. She should not complain: "I have never been happy in your house. Oh Allah! My whole life spent out in sorrows & hardships. What I saw after coming to this ruined house. My parents have thrown me into this hell. They married me to a pauper & unlucky man like you." This sort of groaning will make the husband disappointed & disgusted. This frustration gradually will lead to constant fights & face-to-face confrontation & finally to the divorce. The Glorious Prophet of Islam (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: "I saw plenty of woman in the Hell." The Companions asked: "How come, O Allah's Apostle (sallallahu alaihi wasallam)?" He said: "For two reasons: First, the woman indulge much in taunting & criticizing others. Secondly, the husbands may be treating them well for years but once they experience something less than their expectations they would say: "We have never seen any good from you."
- The wife should show utmost restraint & respect in front of her husband. Whenever the husband returns home, she should welcome him leaving all the work aside. She should arrange for his comforts. She should not talk to him in a way that may annoy or confuse him.
- If the husband gets annoyed with the wife over some issue, she should keep silence & should not utter anything that may aggravate his anger. If the husband gets annoyed over some of her mistake & rebukes her, she should not feel it bad. She should unconditionally beg his pardon & bring him back to his good mood by persuasive methods. If the husband rebukes her without any fault, she should not repay him in the same coin. This would be her greatness to make her husband happy.
- The wife should not ask her husband the account of his debit & credit. The husband gets irritated over this accountability & this irritation leads to conflicts. Similarly, the wife should not investigate her husband's whereabouts & engagements nor should she express any doubt on the character of her husband, as it would disturb the mutual trust.
- As long as her husband's parents are alive, she should obey them & attend their requirements. The husband is their son & if they incite him against the wife, he will be annoyed at her that will ultimately result in deterioration of relations. Similarly, she should treat her husband's brothers & sisters nicely. She should never try to divide the family. She should never insist on her separate household. However, if the parents of her husband themselves decide to live separately; she should welcome their idea happily. But after this separation she should always visit her in-laws & find out their difficulties & help them promptly.
- If the wife faces any hardship in her husband's house, she should never narrate it to her parents & relatives. This creates tension between the two families.
- The wife should concentrate more on her looks - her clothes & personal hygiene. She should take into account her husband's likes & dislikes. She should occasionally apply Mehndi (Henna) in her hands & feet. She should not keep her hair shattered & disturbed. A little carelessness with regard to the physical fitness may compel the husband to go to other woman who make special arrangements to look good to the husbands of careless woman.
- The wife should take food last of all in her husband's house. She should arrange food for her husband, his parents, his brothers & sisters. She should always play a hostess at the dining table.
- The wife should not develop a habit of admiring her parents & other relatives in her husband's house. This would create an impression in the minds of her in-laws that she is lowering their status.
- The wife should not spy upon her in-laws. She should not try to listen secretly to the conversation of other woman in her husband's house. It is very foolish of her to presume that they might be talking bad about her.
- The wife should share housework with the mother-in-law & the sisters-in-law's. This would create a feeling of helpfulness in the hearts of the woman in her husband's house. The woman folk will start liking her & cooperate with her in all matters. She should attend to her ailing mother-in-law or other sick members in her husband's house, as this would give her a dignified status in that house.
- If the husband is poor & has no capacity to employ a maid-servant, the wife should not make any complaint of doing the work herself. Many tradition of Sayyiduna Rasoolullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) reported in Bukhari indicate that the beloved daughter of the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam), Sayyidah Faatima az-Zahra (radi Allahu anha) personally attend to the domestic affairs of her home. She went to the community well herself, filled up the container with water & carried it on her back to her home. She used to grind the flour at home & due to this rugged exercise, her palms got wounded. Similarly, Sayyidah Asma (radi Allahu anha), the daughter of Sayyiduna Abu Bakr Siddique (radi Allahu anhu) did the entire domestic work alone in the house of her husband Sayyiduna Zubair (radi Allahu anhu). She brought date seeds from distant orchards to feed the camels & massage the horses.
- The wife should keep a balance between the income of her husband & the expenditure of the house. If the husband is very poor, she should not insist upon him to bring items of luxury. She should be content with whatever is available within the limited resources.
- The wife should not demonstrate any obstinacy & stubbornness in her husband's house. This is a general habit of woman that they get furious very soon. Their parents may bear this fury but the in-laws will not bear this. The stubbornness of a woman in her husband's house becomes an issue of great criticism. Her obstinacy earns her a very bad name.
- The house of the husband is a new place for every woman. She comes across with so many strange faces with different habits & behaviours. There is a possibility of difference of opinion & a clash of interests between the two parties. But the wife should keep patience & be kind to the mother-in-law & other members of her husband's house. One day or the other, the family of her husband itself will feel ashamed of their rude behaviour & extend a hand of friendship & cooperation towards the new comer.
- The wife should live in her husband's house with discipline. She should neither talk too much nor too less. She should talk sense. Her diction & intonation should be soft, clear & sublime. Her speech should not hurt any body.
It is simply unacceptable from the Islamic point of view that a husband should consider that the marriage divides his wife's life into two separate stages & that each stage is completely isolated from the other. If he tries to impose this situation, then he will have a wife who is disillusioned, broken-hearted & totally lacking in the ability to impart to her children the proper values of kindness to family relations & dutifulness to parents. How could she, when she herself is denied the right to maintain her relationship with her parents?
The fact is that dutifulness to parents is a duty imposed by Allah on all children, boys & girls, man & woman, single or married. This dutifulness does not stop at any particular stage in anyone's existence. It extends throughout the parent's & the children's lives. Being dutiful to one's parents is not considered to have been completed when they die. Their children are required to continue to show dutifulness to them by showing respect & kind treatment to their friends & relatives, supplicating on their behalf, praying to Allah to have mercy on them, reciting the Holy Quraan & giving Sadaqah or charitable donations on their behalf, etc. When parents have such a claim against their children, how is it possible that a husband prevents his wife from visiting her parents?
If he does, then he is certainly unjust to her, unless he has a very good reason for his action that can only be imagined in isolated cases. A man should consider what his feelings would be like if her unreasonable husband prevented his sister from seeing their parents? He should extend to his wife the same treatment he would like to see extended to his dearest sister.
If an elderly couple has only daughters & they all are married & the couple needs to be looked after, then their daughters should try their best to look after them. Islam does not accept that such elderly parents should be abandoned simply because their daughters are married.
If a husband threatens his wife with divorce for visiting her parents, he is unjust to her & to them. Injustice is forbidden in Islam. Almighty Allah says in a Qudsi Hadees: "My servants, I have forbidden injustice & have made injustice forbidden to you. Do not be unjust to one another."
Nor is it permissible for a Muslim to obey anyone encouraging him to be unjust to his wife, not even his parents. If your parents insist that you treat your wife harshly or unjustly, you should realise that injustice represents disobedience to Almighty Allah. The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) says: "No creature may be obeyed in what constitutes disobedience to the Creator."
- Who considers attending her husband as her foremost duty.
- Who never leaves any requirement of her husband unfulfilled.
- Who appreciates the merits of her husband & neglects his demerits.
- Who takes pains in comforting her husband.
- Who does not put any demand before her husband that is beyond his capacity & leads a life of contentment.
- Who never looks at strange & unknown man nor allows them to look at her.
- Who lives in Pardah & keeps her chastity safe.
- Who safeguards the wealth, the property & other belongings of her husband including herself.
- Who proves her dedication to her husband by sacrificing everything to salvage her husband from any calamity.
- Who keeps patience over the atrocities inflicted to her by her husband.
- Who is looked upon respectfully both in her father's house & in her husband's house.
- Who is humble & kind to the neighbours & whose humility everyone appreciates.
- Who carries out her religious duties with punctuality & fulfills the rights of the Creator & creatures.
- Who tolerates with cool mind the bitterness of the members of her husband's family.
- Who first feeds the other members of the house & eats herself in the last.
But when that most beautiful girl leaves her father's house & enters her new house, the mother of her husband suddenly appears as an avowed enemy. The reason of this conflict is purely a psychological one. The mother, who has been reigning over this house for the last so many years, suddenly finds that a new woman has come to share not only the monopolistic authority of this house but also the love & affection of her son. The newcomer woman not only diverts the attention of her father-in- law but also the attention of other male members of the house. The son also gets more involved in her newly-wed lady than his mother. He does not call her mother for attending his requirements. The father-in-law also gets immense pleasure to call his daughter-in-law for his needs. This becomes unbearable for the old lady & she develops a feeling of jealousy against the new comer. Gradually, this feeling takes the shape of severe hatred. The newcomer lady is quite young & enthusiastic in her approach to life. She wants to bring about some innovation in the old style of the house. The mother cannot tolerate this as she thinks that the house still belongs to her. She is not prepared for being neglected by the members of the family. Thus, starts a cold war between the old lady & the new lady. Slowly & quite unknowingly the entire house gets involved in this conflict.
The only way to end this conflict is that all the parties of this conflict - the mother, her son & the daughter-in-law should appreciate their respective rights & duties.
How the Daughter-in-Law should behave
Every daughter-in-law should treat her mother-in-law as her own mother. She should pay due respect to her, obey her commands & attend to her needs. If the old mistress of the house rebukes her on some matters, she should not answer back. Similarly, she should treat her father-in-law as her own father & look after his requirements. During the lifetime of her husband's parents, she should never think of dividing the family by raising the demand of a separate house for herself & her husband. She should be kind to other ladies in her husband's family such as the wives of her husband's elder & younger brothers. She should be friendly with the sisters of her husband.
The Rights of the Wife
Almighty Allah has prescribed certain rights of the husband towards their wives. The Holy Quraan says: "The woman have almost the same rights over man as man have certain rights over the woman in kindness."
Sayyiduna Rasoolullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said: "Best among you are those who behave well with the woman."
The Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has also said: "I make a Wasiyyat to you about the woman, so obey my will."
In another Hadees, the Beloved Habib (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) is reported to have said: "No believing man should have enmity & hatred against a believing woman. If he dislikes certain habits of that woman, there would certainly be some virtues in her too."
The Hadees means that the woman must be having both good & bad habits. Man should not always point out her bad habits only. He should also appreciate her good habits.
There are certain obligations that man owe to the woman & these obligations should be fully appreciated.
- Every husband has the obligation to provide for the sustenance of his wife. She should be provided with adequate food, a comfortable home, suitable clothes & other basic amenities of life. He should always bear in mind that this woman has disassociated herself from her parents, brothers & sisters, relatives & friends & has joined him to share all the ups & downs of life. Hence, it has become his duty to look after her basic needs & comforts.
- It should be remembered that husbands, who never bother for the sustenance of their wives, commit a severe crime of depriving Allah's creatures of their rights. Such people would be dealt with severely in the Court of Allah. The Holy Quraan says: "Man are the protectors & maintainers of woman, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other & because they support them from their means." (4:34)
- The husband should satisfy his wife's physical needs. The Shari'at has not prescribed any limit for this. But, he has to ensure that woman's minimum sexual requirements are met so that she may not commit a sin by eyeing other man in order to quench her thirst. There are certain man who, after marriage, do not take care of the sexual needs of their wives. Such people are great sinners & will be severely convicted in the Court of Allah. Almighty Allah has granted woman the right to conjugal relations with their husbands. The importance of this right can be well understood by the following example of Ameer-il-Mo'mineen Sayyiduna Umar al-Farooq (radi Allahu anhu): It is reported that he was on his routine inspection round at night in Madina-tul-Munawwara when he heard an old lady moaning & reciting melancholic couplets. The Caliph stopped there & listened to the wailing lady. He investigated the matter & came to know that the husband of the woman had gone for Jihad long time ago & this woman has been remembering her husband with these sad couplets. The Ameer was deeply moved & immediately issued an official Decree to all chiefs of his army that no married man should be away from his wife for more than four months.
- The husband should not beat up his wife without her committing a most severe crime. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said: "Nobody should beat up his wife as he does beat up his slave. He should make love with her later some time."
- However, if the woman commits a bigger crime, the husband can beat her not in vengeance but with the intention of reforming her & as a warning. While beating, he should take care that she should not be hurt seriously. The Books of Fiqha have mentioned that the husband can punish his wife for four things:
- If the husband orders his wife to decorate herself with ornaments & legitimate make-up but she disobeys & remains dirty.
- If the husband invites her to bed & she refuses without any legitimate reason.
- If she does not take bath to purify herself after menses.
- If she abstain from performing Salaat without a legitimate reason
- In order to bring peace & prosperity in the married life, both the wife & the husband should take care of each other's sentiments & emotions. The anger of husband brings to the wife nothing but tension, depression & confusion. Similarly, the anger of the wife brings to the husband nothing but disappointment, mental torture, frustration & bitterness. It is, therefore, advisable to both husband & wife to be patient & compassionate in their dealings.
- The husband should never appreciate the beauty & other merits of strange woman in front of his wife. This may lead to create jealousy & suspicion in the mind of his wife. She would think that her husband has some illicit relations with that woman. This thought is a poison that kills matrimonial relations. If a man cannot tolerate that his wife should wrongly be associated with another man, the wife also cannot tolerate another woman to share her husband. The woman cannot listen to praise & admiration of another woman through the lips of her husband even if that another woman happens to be his mother or sister or some other close relative.
- Man is, undoubtedly, made a ruler over the woman but it does not mean that he should ask her to do a work, which is beyond her capacity, or a work which she would not like to do. If the husband still insists his wife to do the work against her will, she would accomplish that job unwillingly & this would create a sort of disgust against her husband, which would ultimately mar their matrimonial life.
- The husband should from time to time censure the life style of his wife - sometimes in a harsh tone, sometimes with love & affection & sometimes with persuasion. There are husbands who always keep a rod hanging with their moustaches & never treat their wives in a good manner other than rebuking & beating them. Such wives get frustrated & start hating their husbands. There are other hen-pecked husbands who over-pamper their wives even after they commit severe blunders. Their wives become stubborn & outspoken.
- The husband should implement this couplet of Sa'di of Shiraz in their life. He says: "Strictness & pampering are very good things but at appropriate times." For example, the surgeon cuts open the wound but at the same time apply soothing ointment. Likewise, the husband should not be very strict nor very soft. A middle path always brings good results.
- The husband, while setting out on a tour, should go to his wife & informally seek her consent in a loving manner & as a matter of goodwill. He may ask her to invoke the Almighty Allah that the journey may prove safe & beneficial for him. Similarly, while returning from the tour he should bring some exclusive gifts for her. This gesture would encourage the wife to think with satisfaction that my husband loves me to the extent that even if he was away engaged in his business activities, he remembered me. Thus, a simple initiative on the part of the husband will win over the heart of his wife.
- If the woman brings anything from her father's house or prepares herself & presents it to the husband, he should express gratitude & appreciate it. This will please her. The husband should never reject or discard or criticise any gift offered by his wife.
- If the wife falls sick, the husband should dedicatedly look after her. He should take extra pain in her nursing, feeding, etc. This little service will win over the heart of the wife & she will be very grateful to the husband.
- The husband should express his full confidence & trust in his wife & to prove this, he should hand over the domain of the house to her so that she may feel dignified & involved. The Holy Prophet of Islam (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said that the woman is the guardian & caretaker of her husband's house & Almighty Allah will take an account from her in this regard on the Day of Judgement.
- The very benefit of relying on the wife would be that she would feel herself responsible for a vital department in the set up of the household. This will give the husband an opportunity to freely think of other things regarding the promotion & progress of his business.
- The husband should never share the secrets of her wife with others. Sayyiduna Rasoolullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said: "Worst is the person in the sight of Allah who goes to his wife & then discloses her secrets & lowers her status in the eyes of others."
- The husband should be neat & clean as he expects the same from his wife. He should look smart, dynamic & a loveable person.
- The husband should provide her with the paraphernalia of personal hygiene such as soap, hair oil, comb, Mehndi, perfumes, etc. so that the wife may keep herself neat & clean & in better looks.
- The husband should not level charges of corrupt practices against his wife without going into the depth of the matter. The relationship between a husband & a wife is based purely on mutual understanding. They have to trust each other. Any baseless suspicion against each other would mar the relations of the husband & wife. A Hadees says: "One Bedouin came to the court of the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said, "O Allah's Apostle (sallallahu alaihi wasallam), my wife has delivered a child who is dark complexioned & does not resemble me. I am sure it is not my child." The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said, "Do you have some camels?" He said, "Yes, I have many camels." The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) asked, "What is the colour of those camels?" He said, "They are brown." The Prophet of Islam (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) asked, "Are there some grey camels among them?" He said, "Yes, a few of them are grey." The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said, "Tell me how those brown camels gave birth to these grey camels?" He said, "Some camel among the ancestors of my brown camels would have been of grey colour & these grey camels might have taken their origin from that particular camel." The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said, "Similarly, it is possible that anyone among your ancestors would have been of black complexion & your child might have inherited his genetic influence."
- If there is some difference of opinion between the husband & wife, the husband should not make a hurry to pronounce divorce to her. He should exercise restraint. After his anger subsides, he should ponder over the entire matter with a cool mind. He may seek the advice of his elders in this matter & decide whether or not there is a chance of reconciliation & settlement. If a point of understanding & reconciliation emerges, he should act accordingly & refrain from breaking the wedlock. The Beloved Habib (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said that the divorce is the most disliked things among the permissible things in the sight of Almighty Allah.
- If both husband & wife feel that there is no way out except the separation, the husband should pronounce one Talaaq after the woman clears her menses. There will be a temporary separation between them. This period will give them enough time to review their decision of separation. If they think that reconciliation is in their interest, the husband should take his wife back in his arms & forget what had happened between them. But if they think that they can no more live together, the husband should pronounce the second Talaaq after she clears her menses. The second pronouncement separates both of them. They have still a time to think of reconciliation. If they decide to live together, they have to perform the Nikah afresh after the period of Iddat is over. If they do not go for any reconciliation till the completion of the Iddat period, the third Talaaq will automatically come into force bringing a permanent separation between them. They cannot enter wedlock unless they go for Halalah. Halalah means that the woman should marry another man & have physical intercourse with him. The husband number two should divorce her. After the completion of the period of Iddat, she can marry the husband number one again.
- There are some ignorant persons who play with the word Talaaq. They pronounce the divorce over minor clashes with their wives. After the pronouncement of divorce they repent & rush to the theologians & Muftis & force them to give a verdict in their favour. Some persons, while approaching the theologians, tell a lie that they had pronounced only one Talaaq. The Mufti has to allow them to retain their wives according to the Law of Shar'iat. Thus, these ignorant people get themselves involved in establishing relations with a woman who is otherwise not to be taken as wife without Halalah.
- If a man possesses more than one wife, it is obligatory on him to do justice with them. There should be equal treatment among wives in respect of sustenance, living conditions & personal attention. He has to spend equal time with every one of them. The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said that if a man has two wives & does not treat them equally, he would be raised on the Day of Judgment with half his body paralysed.
- If the husband faces some trouble because of the misbehaviour of his wife, he should try to avoid her & keep patience. Woman's arrogance & foolishness is a natural phenomenon. The Glorious Prophet of Islam (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said: "Woman has been created from the bent rib of Adam. If somebody tries to make the bent bone straight, it will rather break instead of becoming straight." Similarly, if someone tries to set his wife right, there will be more a chance of separation instead of improvement in her nature.
- The husband should not behave as a miser in meeting the materialistic requirements of his wife nor should he go for extravagance in her maintenance. He should define his expenditure as per his capacity.
- The husband should not confine his wife within the four walls of his house. She should be taken to her parents & relatives from time to time provided these visits do not bring any trouble to the peace of his house.
Islam has prescribed a procedure in case of serious disagreement & conflict between the husband & the wife. It includes effort at reconciliation through arbitration by a Family Council composed of one representative from each side. The Holy Quraan says: "& if you (O Muslims) fear a breach between them twain (i.e., the husband & the wife), appoint two arbiters, one from his family & the other from hers (the two knowing the mentalities, the faults & the merits of both); then if the two (arbiters) wish for rectification (i.e. strive for reconciliation earnestly & justly), Allah shall bring about harmony between the twain: For Allah has full knowledge & is acquainted with all things." (4:35)
While lending its weight to the sanctity of the marriage-relation, the Holy Quraan gives due consideration to the weaknesses & aberrations of human nature. Therefore, it allows divorce as a necessary evil, when that becomes the only remedy for rectifying a situation of irreconcilable incompatibility. Sayyiduna Rasoolullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: "Of all things permitted by law, divorce is the most hateful in the sight of Allah."
In allowing the divorce, however, the Holy Quraan prescribes a procedure which aims at eliminating the evils of idiosyncrasy & availing every possible opportunity & means for reconciliation before the final rupture, - the procedure consisting in abstention from pronouncing divorce during the menstrual period, which is the period of least mutual husband-wife attraction & pronouncing it in three stages at intervals of one month each, thereby preventing hasty steps & providing the parties repeated opportunity for cool deliberation.
Though pronouncement of divorce has been placed in the hands of the husband, the wife has also been given the right to sue for & obtain divorce. A marriage, being a social contract, the Islamic Law gives to the wife also the right to deprive the husband of the prerogative of pronouncing the divorce at his will.
In case of divorce, again, the Holy Quraan emphasises with full force the safeguarding of the welfare of the wife & the treatment of the wife with generosity.
When the marriage tie has been finally dissolved, the husband is not permitted to take back his wife, until she has married someone else sincerely & thereafter, become a widow or a divorcee. This injunction is meant to check husbands from making fun of marriage, which is a serious affair according to the Holy Quraan.
A period of waiting, or probation, has been prescribed for the divorced woman as a healthy gap in their sexual life & for saving them from taking any hasty decision in connection with their next marriage (which is necessary after the emotional disturbance caused by the shock of divorce) & for safe-guarding the interests of the unborn child, if any.
Cessation of relations with the wife without freeing her from the marriage-tie has been prohibited.
The following verses of the Holy Quraan contain injunctions in respect of the above: "O Prophet! When you (the Muslims) do divorce woman, divorce them at their prescribed periods & count (accurately) their prescribed periods & fear Allah your Lord: & turn them not out of their houses, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of some open lewdness; those are the limits set by Allah & any who transgresses the limits of Allah, does verily wrong his (own) soul: perchance Allah will bring about thereafter some new situation. "
"Thus when they fulfil their term appointed, either take them back on equitable terms or part with them on equitable terms & take for witness two persons from among you, endued with justice & establish the evidence (as) before Allah. Such is the admonition given to him who believes in Allah & the Last Day & for those who fear Allah, He (ever) prepares a way out."
"Such of your woman as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the prescribed period, if ye have any doubt, is three months & for those who have no courses (it is the same): For those who carry (life within their wombs), their period is until they deliver their burdens & for those who fear Allah, He will make their path easy."
"Let the woman live (in Iddat), in the same style as you live, according to your means: Annoy them not, so as to restrict them & if they carry (life in their wombs), then spend (your substance) on them until they deliver their burden: & if they suckle your (offspring), give them their recompense: & take mutual counsel together, according to what is just & reasonable & if ye find yourselves in difficulties, let another woman suckle (the child) on the (father's) behalf."
"Let the man of means spend according to his means: & the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. After a difficulty, Allah will soon grant relief." (45:1-7)
The Holy Quraan observes: "Divorced woman shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly periods. Nor is it lawful for them to hide what Allah hath created in their wombs, if they have faith in Allah & the Last Day & their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation. & woman shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but man have a degree (of advantage) over them. & Allah is Exalted, Wise."
"A divorce is only permissible twice: after that, the parties should either hold together on equitable terms, or separate with kindness. It is not lawful for you (men) to take back any of your gifts (from your wives), except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah. If ye (judges) do indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah, there is no blame on either of them if she gives something for her freedom. These are the limits ordained by Allah; so do not transgress them. If any do transgress the limits ordained by Allah, such persons wrong (themselves as well as others)."
"So if a husband divorces his wife (irrevocably), he cannot, after that, re-marry her until after she has married another husband & he has divorced her. In that case there is no blame on either of them if they re-unite, provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allah. Such are the limits ordained by Allah, which He makes plain to those who understand."
"When ye divorce woman & they fulfil their term, either take them back on equitable terms or set them free with kindness; but do not take them back to injure them, or to take undue advantage; if anyone does that, he wrongs his own soul. Do not treat Allah's Signs as a jest, but solemnly rehearse Allah's favours on you & the fact that He sent down to you the Book & the Wisdom for your instruction & fear Allah & know that Allah is well acquainted with all things."
"When you divorce woman & they fulfil their term, do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands, if they mutually agree on equitable terms. This instruction is for all amongst you, who believe in Allah & the Last Day. That is (the course making for) most virtue & purity amongst you. & Allah knows & ye know not." (2:228-232)
The Holy Quraan further says: "For divorced woman maintenance (should be provided) on a reasonable (scale). This is a duty on the righteous." (2:241)
"There is no blame on you if you divorce woman before consummation or the fixation of their dower; but bestow on them (a suitable gift), the wealthy according to his means & the poor according to his means; - a gift of a reasonable amount is due from those who wish to do the right thing."
"& if you divorce them before consummation, but after the fixation of a dower for them, then the half of the dower (is due to them), unless they remit it or the man's half is remitted by him in whose hands is the marriage tie & the remission (of the man's half) is nearest to righteousness & do not forget liberality between yourselves. For Allah sees well all that you do." (2:236-237).
"But if you decide to take one wife in place of another, even if you had given the latter a whole treasure for dower, take not the least bit back: would you take it by slander & a manifest wrong?"
"& how could you take it when you have gone in unto each other & they have taken (from you) a solemn covenant?" (4:20-21).
"If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves & such settlement is best; even though man's souls are swayed by greed & if you do well & practise self-restraint, Allah is well acquainted with all that ye do."
"You are never able to be fair & just as between woman even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If you come to a friendly understanding & practise self-restraint, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
"If they disagree (and must part), Allah will provide abundance for all from His all-reaching bounty: For Allah cares for all & is Wise." (4:128-130)
The wife of Sayyiduna Saabit bin Qais (radi Allahu anhu) came to the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) & said: "O Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam)! I do not approach Saabit bin Qais (radi Allahu anhu) in respect of character & religion, but I do not want to be guilty of showing anger to him." The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) asked her about what she had received from him. She replied: "A garden." He said: "Will you give him back his garden?" "Yes", she said. The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) then told Sayyiduna Saabit (radi Allahu anhu): "Accept the garden & make one declaration of divorce."
It is not permissible for a woman to seek divorce from her husband unless she has borne ill treatment from him or unless she has an acceptable reason, which requires their separation. The Glorious Prophet of Islam (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: "If any woman asks her husband for a divorce without some strong reason, the fragrance of the Garden will be forbidden to her."
She must wear her Islamic dress in front of all people. There is no distinction between man of her own age group or other man. The only exceptions are her father, brother, paternal & maternal uncles, nephews, her father-in-law & man who have the same sort of relationship with her through breast-feeding.
The Holy Quraan says: "O Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam)! Tell your wives & daughters & believing woman to wear their outer garments over themselves (over their faces)." The verse demands Muslim woman to lengthen their dresses so that they are distinguished from other woman. The type of dress with which it is concerned is the normal dress a woman wears. That dress cannot be made to cover her head, her face & her body. What the Quraanic verse tells Muslim woman is not to have their dresses short. They should lengthen them so as to cover their legs right down to their ankles. Sayyidah Asma (radi Allahu anha), the Holy Prophet's (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) sister-in-law, once entered his home wearing a dress of transparent material. Sayyiduna Rasoolullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said to her:"Asma, when a woman attains puberty, nothing should be seen of her body except this & this" (pointing to his face & forearms).
In the Holy Quraan, verse 31 of Surah "An-Noor" deals specifically with how woman should appear in public & which groups of relatives are exempted from the general rule that governs woman's dress. They may reveal their adornment in the presence of their husbands, fathers & fathers-in-law, sons & sons-in- law, brothers, nephews, other woman, etc. The same verse includes the order that woman must draw their head-covering which should be of ample length to be used to cover their bosom, in case her dress is of such style as to reveal a part of her bosom. If her dress or blouse covers her bosom & is not tight, then it is good enough. But that does not mean that a woman does not cover her hair in such a case. There are several Hadees, which make it abundantly clear that a woman must cover her head when she goes out in public. If there is no Quraanic statement to this effect, then these Hadees are sufficient to make the order an obligation, which must be fulfilled.
Many of the Islamic scholars have commented upon Verse 31 of Surah 24, which is incidentally the verse stating the nature of dress of Muslim woman in public & they explain that a Muslim woman may reveal her face & the lower part of her hands, up to the wrists. In translation this verse may read: "Enjoin believing woman to turn their eyes away from temptation & to preserve their chastity; to cover their adornment (except such as is normally displayed); to draw their head-covering over their bosoms, etc." It is the meaning of the term "adornment" that needs explanation.
Al-Jassas, a leading authority in the Hanafi school of thought, says: "Our scholars say that this denotes the woman's face & lower hands."
Al-Qurtabi, a leading Maliki scholar, says: "Since the normal case is that a woman's face & lower part of her hands are revealed by the force of habit & for worship, as this is the case in prayer & pilgrimage, then it is appropriate to say that the exemption here applies to them."
Al-Khazin, a Shafi'i commentator on the Quraan, quotes early authorities as saying that the exemption applies to a woman's face & hands.
Furthermore, Imam Ibn Hazm says: "The part of woman's body, which must be covered, is the whole of it except her face & the lower part of her hands."
A Hadees says: "A woman came to the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) & said, "O Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam)! I have come to make myself a gift to you." The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) looked at her & assessed her then looked down, (i.e. he did not answer to her). When she realised that he did not wish to say anything, she sat down." Another version of this report says that one of the Prophet's (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) companions proposed to her but he had nothing to give her as dowry, or Mehr. The Glorious Prophet of Islam (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) told him to give her something even though it is a ring made of iron to wear in her finger. He then married her. The point her is that the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) looked at her & evaluated her because she was not fully garbed as required by the Shari'at. The reason for the Beloved Nabi (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) to caste a glance at her & remain silent was not to evaluate her beauty, but to express his dislike on her incorrect dressing.
Sayyiduna Jaabir bin Abdullah (radi Allahu anhu) quotes the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) as saying: "If any of you sees a woman & likes her, let him go to his wife, because that is enough to satisfy him." If he is unmarried, let him remember what Allah says, "Let those who cannot afford to marry live in self-restraint until Allah shall enrich them with His bounty."
A young companion of the Beloved Rasool (sallallahu alaihi wasallam), Sayyiduna Fazl Ibn-e-Abbas (radi Allahu anhuma) was riding behind him when a woman stopped the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) to inquire about something. Sayyiduna Fazl (radi Allahu anhu) looked at her & she looked at him. The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) turned Sayyiduna Fazl's (radi Allahu anhu) face to the other way Here we have a noble Sahaba looking at a woman & the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) does not even tell him not to look at her. The fact that he turned his face away with his hand does not mean more than the gesture itself. These incidents took place in the presence of the Beloved Habeeb (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) & his reactions were training & lessons for the Ummah. This does not mean that the noble Sahabiyyah did not wear a Hijaab. Yes, they certainly did, but the above incidents were before the restrictions of Hijaab were revealed or in cases where poverty restricted some individuals from making available cloth for a Hijaab.
On the contrary, if a Muslim male by chance looks at a foreign female & immediately turns his face away then the Shari'at will not penalise him as it was unintentional. But if he looks at her the second time then he will be liable for that glace because it was due to his lust. However, it is important for the Muslim female to be on guard at all times & take special care to cover the face when there chances of Fitna & immoral interferences. My view is that the time of Fitna has arrived & we live in a very immoral society that has lost respect for the woman & visa versa. Hence, the time has come where Muslim woman have to be more careful about their modesty.
In Surah 33, verse 59, Almighty Allah says: "O Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam)! Enjoin upon your wives, your daughters & woman believers to draw their clothes around them. That is more proper, so that they may be recognised & not be molested." The point is that a Muslim woman will be recognised by the fact that she is totally dressed & people realise that they have to respect her & dare not molest her. The verse does not suggest in any way that her head-cover or shirt or clothing or whatever meaning we give to the word "Jilbab", should be used to cover her face.
The Beloved Habib (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) is quoted to have condemned the woman who, "although clothed, are yet naked, seducing & being seduced, their hairstyle is like the tilted humps of camels. These will not enter Paradise nor will its fragrance even reach them, although its fragrance reaches a very great distance." It is not merely a specific hairstyle that is censured by the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam). It is the fact that a woman tries to attract the attention of other people when she goes out or appears in public. This is what is meant by the description by the Holy Prophet of Islam (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) of such woman as "clothed are yet naked."
They certainly wear clothes, but their attire is meant to be attractive, or even seductive. In this way, they help promote indecency in society. A Muslim woman should dress in a decent & modest fashion. Her dress should cover all her body with the exception of her face & forearms. When a woman reveals any other part of her body in front of men, she violates Islamic teachings.
The Divine Commandment regarding the Pardah is contained in Chapter 22 of the Holy Quraan. It says: "Confine yourselves within your home & come out not openly without a veil as the woman of the era of ignorance used to wander without a veil." The verse enjoins upon Muslim woman not to go out without a legitimate reason. If this "outing" is inevitable, then they should cover themselves properly. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said: "A woman should stay in Pardah. When she comes out of her house without covering herself, the Shaytaan gazes at her."
Sayyiduna Abu Musa Ash'ari (radi Allahu anhu) reports that the Beloved Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: "The woman, who after applying perfume passes by man with the intention that they should smell the fragrance, is a woman of loose character." Another Hadees says: "The woman who adorns herself & walks with pride is just like a darkness that has no ray of light."
Today, some so-called Muslim reformers are misleading the innocent Muslim woman saying that by confining them in Pardah, Islam has deprived them of their fundamental right to freedom. These reformers are instigating the woman to raise their voice that they should have equal rights in praying in the Mosques. Some woman organizations in the Southern India have filed suits in Courts demanding woman's entry into the Mosques. The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said that if a woman performs Salaat in the Jamia Masjid of her town, it is better that she should perform Salaat in the Mosque of her locality; if she is performing Salaat in the Mosque of the locality, it is better for her to perform Salaat in the courtyard of her house; if she performs Salaat in the courtyard of her house, it is better that she prays in an exclusive cell of the house.
There is a reason for this. If the woman performs Salaat in the Jamia Masjid, residents of that locality must be watching her going to the Mosque regularly. But during her periods, she would be unable to go to the Mosque. Thus, the people who have been regularly watching her would come to know that she is having her menses & hence, she is unable to go to the Mosque. Similarly, the neighbours would come to know the reason of her inability to go to the Mosque. If she were performing Salaat in the courtyard of her house & stops performing Salaat during her menses, the house people would come to know this. Thus, every body in the town or neighbourhood or house knows a thing that should have been known to her husband only.
Pardah is, therefore, obligatory for a woman as it saves her from coming in touch with strange man. The woman should cover herself from all males except those whom she can never marry like her father, grandfather, father's brother, mother's brother, mother's father, brother, nephew, sister's son, grandson, & father-in-law. These are called the Mehram, while others are called Na-Mehram or Ghair-Mehram. They include all cousins, husband's brothers, younger or elder. A woman should cover herself from these persons.
A wrong tradition prevails in India & Pakistan that the woman do not cover themselves from the younger brothers of their husband who are called "Devar." They are very free with their Devar. The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said that the woman should run away from Devar as people run away from death. Similarly, Muslim woman should cover herself from non-believing woman & should not allow them to enter her house.
The woman should also cover herself from her Peer or Murshid (Spiritual Guide), as he is a Ghair-Mehram for her. It is Haraam for a Murshid to hold the hand of the woman when taking her Baith. It is also Haraam for the Sheikh to allow foreign woman to touch, shake or kiss his hands or feet. At the time when making a woman Mureed, the Sheikh must extend a towel or Turban or other cloth, with him holding one end & the female holding the other end. In this way the Murshid will take the vow of Baith from the woman.
- Treats his wife with kindness.
- Is very prompt in appreciating the rights of his wife.
- Is attached to his wife in a manner that he never looks at strange woman.
- Shares his luxuries & comforts with his wife.
- Is not cruel & atrocious to his wife.
- Keeps patience over her wife's misbehaviour & ill-treatment.
- Accepts his wife's merits & discards or neglects her demerits.
- Looks after his wife in her sickness & grief.
- Keeps his wife in Pardah & thus, safeguards her chastity.
- Teaches his wife the salient features of religion & guides her to follow good faith.
- Provides for the legitimate needs of his wife & children by earning a Halaal livelihood.
- Treats the relatives & friends of his wife in kindness.
- Saves his wife from defamation & disrespect.
- Does not prove to be a miser in meeting the expenses of his wife.
- Control his wife in such a way that she never turns to any evil.
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