The Holy Quraan lays special emphasis on the role of the mother, thereby pointing to the superiority of her role in respect of the child - as a consequence of which she deserves devotion greater & honour higher than the father. The Beloved Habib (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has stated this implication in concrete terms when he singles out the mother & says: "Verily Paradise is by the side of her feet."
Also in the Hadees where the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) emphasised service to the mother thrice & thereafter, mentioned service to the father.
When a woman becomes a mother, her responsibilities towards the family increase three-fold. She has to:
- Look after her husband,
- Cater to her parents
- & attend to her children.
She should breast-feed her children as this has great impact on their relationship.
She should take care of the sanitation of the house, health, hygiene & cleanliness of her children.
She has to ensure that her children are free from all sorts of tension.
Children, till they start talking, cannot spell out their requirements. The mother should be an expert in reading their gestures & catering to their needs.
Certain mothers threaten their mischievous children by shouting or by sounding inhuman & dreadful voices or by falsely calling the police or devil to arrest the child. This adversely affects the mind of the child & makes him a coward & goat-hearted at a grown up stage. This should be avoided.
After the child starts talking, the mother should teach him the name of Allah & His Prophet, Sayyiduna Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam). She should recite & repeat the Kalima so that the child may memorize it.
When the children attain the age suitable for reading & writing, the mother should start their education with the Holy Quraan & other Islamic studies.
The mother should teach them the Islamic way of living & good manners.
She should attract them towards virtuous things & instil in them hatred towards evil things.
She should concentrate on their training as true Muslims.
When the son or daughter attains an age of seven years, they should be taught the manners of purification, Wuzoo (ablution) & bath. They should also be taught the way to perform Salaat. The mother should teach them what is Halaal (lawful) & what are Haraam (forbidden); what Farz (obligatory) is & what Sunnah (optional) is.
The mother should prevent her child from playing with bad children. Children should also be kept away from anti-Islamic activities like going to movies, disco-clubs, attending dancing parties & participating in other entertainment programmes which are against the spirit of Islam.
When the newly-born baby is seven days old, the parents should arrange for the Aqeeqa. It includes the shaving of the head of the child & giving silver equivalent to the weight of the hair or the amount thereof to the poor. The child should be given a good name, preferably from the sacred names of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam). It is a proven fact that the name has a great impact on the character of a man.
Immediately after the child is born, some elderly man of the family should rite Azaan in his & her right ear & Iqaamat in the left ear. This saves the child from the interference of the Shaytaan.
When any new fruit of the season is brought to the house, it should be first served to the children, then to other members of the family.
Gifts should be distributed among children on an equal basis. The distribution should begin with the girl child.
It is the responsibility of the mother to keep her grown up daughter well-dressed & well-adorned so that people like her & propose for her. But she should not allow her to go out in full make-up. The girls should also not be permitted to stand at the balconies of the house as it may lead to exposure to the Ghair-Mehram men.
Do not give your daughters in marriage to irreligious persons like Rafizi, Khariji, Wahabi, Deobandi, Ahle Hadees & to the persons who do not follow the true Islamic ways like sporting a beard, performing Salaat regularly, etc. Also do not marry away your daughter to a drunkard or a gambler & a visitor to brothels nor to persons who earn their livelihood through illegal means like smugglers, wine-sellers, drug traffickers, etc.
There are some other methods to bring up the children in a healthy way:
- Fix up a time to breast-feed the baby. Mothers, who are feeding their children indiscriminately, spoil their digestive system & expose them to other ailments like vomiting, loose motions, etc. Consequently, the child becomes weak & bed-ridden.
- The children should be kept neat & clean. Let them sleep in their cradles till they start sitting on their own. Once they are able to sit independently, they should be allowed to roam around the room. The child should not be habituated to remain in the mother's lap for most of the time. Such a child takes more time in walking.
- Certain mothers feed their child on more sweets. This is harmful, as too much consumption of sweets not only spoils the teeth but also weakens the stomach & affects the intestines. Children may be given biscuits of a reputed company.
- Children should be taught the evils of over-eating.
- Do not meet every demand of the child as it will adversely affect his temperament & he will become stubborn.
- Encourage the children to give food & alms to the poor. Also teach them to distribute their eatables among their sisters, brothers & friends. This will make them generous & benevolent.
- Prevent the child, especially the girls, from talking loudly & reply outspokenly to the elders.
- The children should be taught that it is very bad habit to become angry on petty matters. Equally bad are the habits of laughing loudly, fighting with playmates, back-biting, using bad words, etc.
- If the child brings home something from the neighbour's house without the owner's permission, he should be discouraged from such an act & force him to return that thing to its owner. In order to instil in him hatred against the theft, his hands should be washed & make him repent by holding his ears.
- If the child, out of anger, breaks a thing or beats anyone, he should be severely admonished & suitably punished.
- Mothers should occasionally narrate to the child the stories of great seers of the old, especially the stories of the Prophets (alaihimus salaam) as described in the Holy Quraan. Such stories will boost the morale of the child. Children should not be allowed to read immoral literature.
- Children should be taught certain crafts which could help them in future. These crafts include tailoring, knitting, weaving, etc.
- Children should be suitably trained in doing their own work like laying the bed in the night & folding it in the morning, arranging their dress & shoes properly.
- The mother should train the girl in cleaning utensils, washing clothes, cooking meals, house-keeping, stitching, interior decoration of the house, etc. She should be made tough & sturdy in domestic chores.
- The mother should instil in the hearts of the children the fear of their father.
- The boy & the girl should be admonished properly if they do some work secretly as this is not a good habit at all.
- The children should be accustomed to hard work at an early age.
- The children should be taught table manners as well as the etiquette to move in the society & attending the gatherings.
- The children should be taught the manners of walking, talking, sitting, lying, eating, etc.
The Quraan further says: "We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him & in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the child to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength & attains forty years, he says, "O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Your favour, which You have bestowed upon me & upon both my parents & that I may work righteousness such as You may approve & be gracious to me in my issue. Truly, have I turned to You & truly do I bow (to You) in Islam." Such are they from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds & pass by their ill deeds: (they shall be) among the companions of the Gardens; a promise of truth, which was made to them (in this life)." (46: 15-16)
But the Holy Quraan enjoins abstinence from obeying non-Muslim parents in their anti-Islamic religious beliefs & practices. It says: "We enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. You have (all) to return to Me & I will tell you (the truth) of all that you did." (29:8)
- The children should not hurt their parents in words or deeds even if the parents are a bit harsh to them.
- The children should pay utmost respect to their parents.
- The children should obey the orders of their parents in all legitimate matters.
- The children should meet the needs of their parents in cash or kind.
- If the parents take something from the belongings of their children, the latter should not be annoyed at them. On the contrary, the children should express their gratitude to their parents that they gave them the honour to serve them. The Holy Prophet of Islam (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said: "You & all your belongings are owned by your father."
- If the parents are no more, it is obligatory on the part of the children to invoke Almighty Allah for granting forgiveness to their father & mother. They should arrange Niyaaz for the consolation of the souls of their parents. They can also perform additional prayers & alms-offerings & hand over their reward to the souls of their parents.
- The children should treat well the friends of their parents.
- The children have the responsibility to repay the loans taken by their parents. The legitimate Will of the parents should also be implemented.
- The children should not indulge in any activity or affair that could hurt the feelings of their parents during their lifetime as well as after their passing away.
- The children should visit the graves of their parents regularly & recite Fatiha & Salaam & pray for their well-being in the Hereafter. The parents will be happy over the visit of their children & the Angels will present to them the reward of the Surah Fatiha in the trays of Noor.
- The children of modern age should remember that their kindness to the parents would bring to them the kindness of their own offspring in future. Good treatment to the parents guarantees abundance in food, wealth, health & happiness.
- Paradise is under the feet of mothers.
- The pleasure of Almighty Allah is in the pleasure of the father & the displeasure of Almighty Allah in the displeasure of the father.
- Paradise becomes unlawful for disobedient to parents.
- Obedience does not end with the death of parents. Forgiveness be sought for them, presents & gifts sent to parents, friends & relatives. Charity is also to be given in their names.
- Children are also bound to maintain their poor parents.
The Holy Prophet of Islam (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) once went with his mother to see the grave of his father when he was barely six months old, but his mother passed away on her return journey to Makkah-tul-Mukarramah. Once, he passed by the grave of his mother. There he halted for sometime & began to weep out of dear love for his mother.
Once the Beloved Nabi (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) was seated among his companions. He at once got up at the sight of his foster mother Sayyidah Halima (radi Allahu anha) & spread his own mantle for her rest. At another time, the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) set 600 prisoners free after the Battle of Hunain. One of the reasons was that some of them came from tribe of his foster mother Sayyidah Halima (radi Allahu anha). Thus, the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) had the highest regard for his parents & foster-mothers & left ideal instructions to his followers for obeying parents.
The Quraan emphasises thorough conscientiousness in respect of the ties of kinship. It says: "& fear Allah in Whose name you ask for (your rights) & pay attention to the ties of relationship." (4:1)
The Quraan places the duty of doing good to one's kith & kin immediately next to the duty of doing good to parents. It says: "& do good to parents & to the kinsfolk." (4:36)
The Holy Quraan has made economic assistance to the kinsfolk, with the noblest motive, one of the basic ingredients of practical piety. It says: "(it is true righteousness) to spend of your substance, out of love for Him (i.e., Allah), for your kith & kin." (2:177).
Not only that. Doing good to one's relations & assisting them in their needs, is not just an optional act of goodness but an unavoidable duty; because the relatives have a definite right whose fulfilment a Muslim owes to them. The Holy Quraan says: "So give what is due to kindred." (30:38) Similar command is in 17: 26: "& give kinsmen their right & to the needy & the traveller & spend not extravagantly." Again: "Verily Allah enjoins justice, the doing of good (to others in general) & giving to kinsfolk (their due)." (16:90)
- If the relations are below the poverty line & are unable to provide for themselves, they should be supported both in cash & kind.
- We should visit our relations regularly & share their happiness & sorrows.
- Never try to break ties with your family members. The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has said: "One who cuts off relations will not enter the Paradise."
- If the relatives harm you or give you any trouble, bear it, as this would bring great rewards to you. The Hadees says: "Join hands with him who breaks relations with you & forgive him who behaves cruel to you. Treat him well who ill-treats you."
- Another Hadees says that good treatment to the relations makes a man dearer to his own family. It increases his wealth & brings blessings in the form of his longer life.
In respect of this duty, the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) has given the following stern warning: "None of you will be (counted) a Believer unless he loves for his neighbour what he loves for himself."
A Hadees says: "The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: "Jibra'eel (alaihis salaam) briefed me over my rights towards the neighbours, till I thought he would soon make a neighbour to inherit his neighbour."
Once, the Holy Prophet of Islam (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) was making ablution. The Companions rushed to secure the water & applied that water on their faces. The Blessed Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: "Why are you doing this?" They said: "We are doing this in our love & affection towards the Beloved Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam)." The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: "He who likes to love Allah & His Apostle (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) or to be loved by Allah & His Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wasallam), should always speak the truth & if he is made the custodian of something, he should be worthy of an honest custodian & he should behave with his neighbours in kindness."
The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) also said: "He is not a believer who eats his fill when his neighbour beside him is hungry."
The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) also said: "He, whose neighbours are not safe from his injurious conduct, will not be counted as a Believer."
The following are some duties towards the neighbours:
Always take care of your neighbour. Look out for his requirements & fulfil them.
There should always be an exchange of gifts & presents among the neighbours. A Hadees says: "If you cook some curry, put more water into it to increase its quantity so that you may cater to your neighbours & help them."
The Brotherhood, which has been stressed here, is a Brotherhood in which the odious distinction of caste, colour & of tribe & race, have been totally eliminated; even the worst enemy of Islam is accepted as full brother, if he chooses genuinely to be a Muslim.
Islam proclaims mercifulness towards Muslims as one of the basic virtues of Islamic life. The Holy Quraan says: "Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) is the Messenger of Allah & those who are with him are strong against (hostile) disbelievers & merciful amongst each other." (48:29). The Quraan has directed us to be humble (or, respectful) toward Believers. (5:57)
Islam has laid stress on respecting the sanctity of life, honour & property of other Muslims. Killing a Muslim has been most severely condemned & prohibited. "It is not for a Believer to kill a Believer unless (it be) by mistake, Whosoever slays a Believer of set purpose, his reward is Hell for ever. Allah is against him & He has cursed him & prepared for him an awful doom." (4:92-93)
- Greet each other with Salaam & shake hands. The Holy Quraan says: "When a (courteous) greeting is offered to you, meet it with a greeting still more courteous, or (at least) of equal courtesy. Allah takes careful account of all things." (4:86) The basic form of greeting has been given in the Holy Quraan at several places. "When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say. "Peace be on you: your Lord has prescribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy." (4:54) &: "Peace unto you for that you persevered in patience! Now, how excellent is the Final Home!" (13:24) "& peace to all who follow the Guidance." (20:47) The Islamic Shari'at has prescribed "As-Salaamu Alaikum" as the standard form of greeting, which, as a reply, takes the form "Wa'alaikum-us-Salaam." To it can be added "Wa Rahmatullah" & after that also: "Wa Barakaatuhu." But remember, do not greet or shake hands with idolaters, atheists, gamblers, drunkards & other evil-doers. A Hadees says: "When a Muslim greets an evildoer & shows respect to him, the Arsh trembles with Divine Wrath." The Holy Quraan says: "Let not the Believers take for friends or helpers infidels (active hostile to Islam) rather than believers: if you do that, in nothing will there be help from Allah: except (entering into some no-war pact with them) by way of precaution, that you may guard yourselves from them." (3:28)
- Attend to the sick & indisposed Muslim brethren.
- Respect every Muslim in his capacity of being a believer.
- If your Muslim friend invites you to lunch or dinner, accept his invitation.
- Attend the funeral of a Muslim till the burial.
- Overlook the defects of others, but at the same time do advise them to adopt the righteous path.
- If a fight takes place between two Muslims, they should not stop talking to each other for more than three days. The Hadees says that between the two fighting Muslims, he who reconciles first & starts talking will enter the Paradise before the other.
- Never indulge in any violence against a Muslim. Violence here means hurting anyone by words or deeds.
- Advise Muslim brethren to adopt the virtuous path & refrain from evil doings.
- Accept a gift offered by a Muslim. Give him a better gift in return.
- Respect your elders & love the youngsters.
- Accept a Muslim's legitimate recommendation in favour of another Muslim.
- Do not insult any Muslim in front of others.
- Do not level false charges against a Muslim nor indulge in backbiting.
General Instructions
If you visit the house of some relative or friend, do not stay there for such a long time as could embarrass your host.
Your visit to an ailing person should be very very short.
If you visit some relative, do not ask for a thing, which is not easily available. This would put your host into an embarrassing position.
Do not sweep the house when your guests are sitting as the dust & dirt may hurt the senses of your visitors.
If your relative or friend invites you for lunch or dinner, do not take many people along with you as it may cause to your host shortage of food.
If two persons are sitting at a place & are engaged in conversation with each other, do not sit in-between them, as your presence will disrupt their conversation.
A woman should not mention another man's handsomeness & smartness in front of her husband as it might hurt his feelings. Similarly, the husband should not admire any other woman's beauty before his wife, as this will pave the way for jealousy.
Do not read letters addressed to other's as this is tantamount to infringing the right to privacy & secrecy of others.
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